The UNsexy List

7. Nu Metal. Musical genre or soundtrack for gang rape? The debate continues. As fads go, makes goth look positively sensible.

14. Fan fiction. That gangbang between the Backstreet Boys and the cast of Buffy is much hotter in your head than on your website. Please keep it there.

35. Friendster.com. For a few months, it was a secret cute-kid sex party. Then all your exes heard about it. Then Courtney Love got on it. Then strangers started insisting you'd shared some magical experience with them outside Tuscaloosa. You told them you'd never been to Tuscaloosa and that they must have the wrong person. Then they told you your pet hamster’s name from when you were five and you started shaking.

43. Blogging about your sex life. People who do this are under two delusions: a) that everyone wants to fuck them, and b) that their writing is interesting. Which is worse: sexual megalomania or an inability to edit? It's a dead heat. The online equivalent of that excruciatingly monotonous blowjob scene in every porn movie ever made.

49. Man jewelry (any). Once, Carrie got with this guy who wore his grandfather’s old Russian war medal on a chain around his neck. It was meaningful and tasteful, but all she could think about during sex was Tony Danza. We're just saying